Nader the Hater

Ralph Nader, infamous and infinite Green Party presidential candidate, is attempting to clip the system of athletic scholarships.

Nader’s “League of Fans” (insert gagging noises here) is a group aimed at reforming sports. The group argues that by clipping student athlete scholarships, the “win-at-all-costs” mentality will reduce in high school.

…There are so many ignorant things in this equation I might lose it...

The ultimate point of sports is WINNING… if even Mr. Sheen can figure that concept out, I’m not sure that’s saying much for you. Real athletes compete. Sports aren’t just some children’s pastime to them: they are their life. They breathe, eat, think, sleep their sport to work towards the caliber of a college-level athlete. IF they train themselves enough to make it to collegiate athletics, they bring their school glory, recognition, school spirit, and hopefully, championships. So they get tuition paid for in many cases. I can see the annoyance for some, but after what they contribute, I would argue that they have earned it.

Nader, at first I was dumbfounded at why you would propose such a moronic idea. Then I learned you went to Princeton and Harvard. For being such a smarty-pants you sure aren’t that wise… or maybe you’re just bitter? I realize you didn’t have even mediocre athletics at your universities of choice, but no need to ruin the exuberant chaos of a football Saturday or a March Madness bracket for the rest of us.

So, on that note, please quit being a poor sport just because you didn’t win in college and still can’t win now (or score by the looks of it)… was that below the belt? Oops. My apologies.

Take it Easy, NCAA, Take it Easy

Earlier today the NCAA came to a conclusion on its punishment for the University of Southern California’s sport’s violations. The verdict on the university’s lack of institutional control? USC football will lose 10 scholarships for each of the next three seasons, is being forced to vacate any victories that Reggie Bush participated in starting in December 2004 and is banned from 2010 and 2011 season bowl games. Their basketball team also has to give up one scholarship, forfeit any wins from the 2006-7 season and ban itself from the 2010 postseason. On top of no longer being allowed to associate with Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo (the two players highlighted in the investigation), USC will also be forced to repay the $200,000 it got for participating in the NCAA tournament.

According to the NY Times, these USC penalties are the harshest the NCAA has given to any university since 1986 when they shut down the Southern Methodist football program for two years. Yes, we all knew USC would at least get a slap on the wrist, but I think this was the rough equivalent of a public spanking. It might not be right to break the rules, but I think there are much worse things the university could be doing besides pampering their athletes. Take it easy, NCAA.

Stripping Down Reggie Bush

Normally, I would be willing to do just about anything short of standing on the corner to get Reggie Bush nakey (Please see exhibit A to the left if for some unknown reason you feel you need further explanation). That being said, seen and salivated over, I think the fact that I am adamant about not stripping down Reggie in this instance puts his most recent controversy into quite some perspective.

This year the Saints’ running back came under investigation for allegedly receiving benefits from the University of Southern California football program back during his time as a Trojan. Being the all-star he is, he also happened to win a Heisman Trophy while he played for USC. Now, if you are an intelligent person, you are probably wondering why this matters. Typical NCAA, they are considering retroactively declaring Bush ineligible for his 2004 and 2005 seasons. Heisman rules declare that a "recipient must be in compliance with the bylaws defining an NCAA student-athlete”, which means they could potentially make the choice to strip Reggie of his title.

Seriously? All I have to say is give.me.a.frickin.break. As if anything that happened FIVE years ago isn’t already old news that no one cares about, I think that of all possible athlete trespasses, “receiving benefits” should be the least of the NCAA’s worries (Helllllo A-Rod, Mike Tyson and, oh yea: Tiger?). Unless he was “receiving” blowies from half the female USC employees on a bi-weekly basis, I don’t think any gifts bestowed upon him could really be that inappropriate. And besides: can you blame the guy for accepting expensive gifts for simply doing what he loved? That would be like Bret Michaels turning down the Rock of Love hoes that come as a side dish with his 15-minutes of fame. Exactly: not going to happen.

Besides, if we are going to get on the topic of miscreant Heisman recipients, let’s not forget that OJ Simpson (who killed people) and Tim Tebow (need I really say more about this pussy?) are still proud members of the club. I think I make my point.

the NCAA and the Oil Spill...

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Higher Age Floor, Lower Arrest Levels for NBA?

Last week in one of my posts about cheaters I touched on how very difficult universities can make academics for their athletes. This idea goes hand in hand with what some argue is the need for an older minimum age to enter the NBA; those players who have not gone to college are more likely to get in trouble with the po-po later in their careers. Apparently, a college education is supposed to smarten you up a little – maybe make you rethink hitting your girlfriend like Dennis Rodman, or getting caught with weed like Sheed? The funny thing is both Rodman and Wallace went to college. So what does that mean in terms of a link between higher education and lower arrest rates?

In a study designed to look at the validity of such a claim, researchers actually found that nearly the opposite was true. Out of 84 NBA players who had been arrested, more than half – 48 – had completed four years of college. Of the remaining 36 players, 27 had completed at least two years of college. In fact, out of every arrested NBA player studied, less than 5% had not gone to college at all.

Although NBA Commissioner David Stern has openly pushed to have the age floor raised to 20 years old, there are others like Congressman Steve Cohen who have gone as far as to call the idea “a vestige of slavery” because it constitutes “a restraint on a person’s freedoms and liberties.” I’m not saying I agree with Stern, but I think “a vestige of slavery” is a little dramatic. Let’s take it down a notch, Cohen – we’re talking about picking up high schoolers, not picking cotton. The NBA’s age floor is currently set at 19, which means unless a player has been held back a year, they are pretty much forced to attend at least a year of college before going pro. This rule will be up for reconsideration when it expires next year.

While I think we all know universities don’t exactly kill athletes with workloads or hard classes, after checking out those study results maybe they should consider raising the academic bar slightly as a possible solution in the meantime. If athletes are already getting their own “special” classes (Addition and Subtraction 111, US States 120) why not at least make them relevant to their future careers? I mean, it’s pretty obvious that their current degrees aren’t doing a whole hell of a lot to help them to stay out of trouble. I personally think Hiding Substance Use 425 or Controlling Abusive Urges 315 sound like they’d be pretty popular, and maybe a more practical solution until a verdict is reached in 2011.

Cheaters, Cheaters, Steroid Eaters

Speaking of cheating, history shows some of the unmarried ones like to follow in their colleague’s footsteps. Swapping underage, implanted and over-tanned broads for pill popping and shooting up, it seems the records of some of our other beloved sports stars aren’t exactly squeaky clean, either. From Barry Bonds to Gary Sheffield to Andre Agassi, it’s a long list of athletes who’ve gotten busted for performance-enhancing drugs. Hell, Jason and Jeremy Giambi even made it a family affair. While I know we are so close to perfect it’s scary, women aren’t getting off scot free this time; swimmer Jessica Hardy and hurdler Sandra Glover were both nabbed for ‘roids too. The sport of cheating has become so popular that Alex Rodriguez and Roger Clemens have started the trend of being two-time two-timers – they top the prestigious list of those who like fail both their wives and blood tests.

As if that wasn’t enough already, the movement has even been affecting the oh-so-impressionable minds of the industry’s youngsters. Anyone else remember the case of the 23 FSU athletes caught cheating on tests? C’mon guys – the NCAA only requires you to have a 2.1 for eligibility, and I think it’s pretty common knowledge that universities can pad the grades of those realllly tough courses you enroll in. With this in mind I’ve come to the conclusion that these cheating sensations gripping the athletic population aren’t out of must, but like their (in)fidelity counterpart, lust. Between falsified exams, failed blood work and too many mistresses to count, cheating hasn’t just become a
pre-req for athletes, but a preview of the behavior to come.

Optimistic Thomas Finds Hope in his Little Team

Isiah Thomas, former NBA superstar player and less-than-successful coach, feels he may have found his niche at Florida International University. Currently 2-5, the Golden Panthers are the underdogs in almost all of their upcoming games. The team provides Thomas with inspiration, and he admires both their effort and their heart. Although they are definitely undersized, Thomas hopes (desperately?) that the team’s scrappy style of play will lead to a few wins.

Next season looks to be even better, with a much stronger recruiting class to join the team. Thomas says that the Golden Panthers have revived him: “I’m falling in love with the guys. I’m falling in love with the game.

This is a game that has controlled the ups and downs of Thomas' life. Let’s hope that Thomas stays on-track down in Florida and leads his team to a couple more wins this season. After his recent struggles and questionable sleeping pill overdose, Thomas might need this team to hold himself up more than they need his basketball knowledge. Who knows, maybe we’ll see him on the sidelines of the NCAA Tourney some time in the next few years. Keep an eye out for the former star who seems like he might literally die without the game.

... And The Second Part

O'Neil: Defining the shades of gray with recruiting

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Listen, I don't want to sound like a pessimist or a jerk or traitor to my generation or whatever... but let's face it, the NCAA is living in a fantasy world! It is no joke that "Feral-cat herders have an easier job." So, riddle me this, isn't it time to save face and recognize defeat?

I'm a fighter. I'm stubborn and loud and I don't cede easily. Luckily, I'm usually right. But when is the NCAA going to realize that their rules may as well have a "wink wink" in the margin!? For starters, the rules only apply to participating institutions. They barely apply to student athletes. And they absolutely do not apply to agents, runners, professional athletes, or basically anyone.

I like to analogize the NCAA rules to me being stuck in a room of people who exclusively eat chocolate. Then being told I could never eat chocolate BUT I would never get caught because the only time someone would come to make sure I wasn't eating chocolate was once a month for 5 minutes during an announced visit. Ok, fine. To make it more realistic, let's suppose there are 15 other people in there that can't eat chocolate either and they want it as much as I do. Once I have fulfilled my non-cocoa eating responsibilities I get to drift down Wonka's chocolate river for the rest of my days. And then, as I drift down that river I blurt out in a blissful sugar/chocolate high that I have been indulging in chocolate for years. At this point there is absolutely nothing that can be done to punish me for my past chocolate consumption. On the contrary, the other 14 people in the torture room... well, let's just say thanks to my admission, they lost their ticket on the Wonka riverboat!


For the same reason that MLB players use steroids, players, coaches, and agents violate the NCAA rules. Everyone wants to get some chocolate! In fact, everyone wants as much chocolate as they can get. I am the only one that finds it ironic that an athletic association regulates competition so much? Coaches can't compete freely for athletes. Athletes can't compete freely for jobs. Agents can't compete freely for athletes. How does this make any sense except to maintain the NCAA's monopoly?! It's like an oppressive government that everyone continues to blindly follow!

I say it about steroids in MLB and I say it about the NCAA rules - everyone on some level (whether schools know it or not) is violating rules. Why do we continue to play by an illusionary rulebook? The status quo actually provides a disincentive for the NCAA to regulate violations of its rules because if all the teams that were actually in violation of the rules were sanctioned and suspended from competing in NCAA championships I'd venture a guess that they'd sever their voluntary membership and start their own association! So, again, I ask: Isn't it time to admit defeat?

Manny Will Always Be My Man

While listening to angry midwestern "Cheese heads" insist they were so over Favre and that they really didn't want him back all week, I thought to myself how nice it was to see Manny go on such amicable terms. It was like a great breakup; everyone is happier afterwards! Manny wants out, Boston wanted out, and everyone went to the Championship Series. It was a trade made in heaven. I even have an excuse to wear that Dodgers hat I stole from a friend cause I just look hot in it. Green Bay on the other hand had a bitter end with Favre, and although they deny it, they're begging for him back. $20 million to be the "ambassador"!? Is that a special teams position?


On the other hand, Ruby's Hipocratus attitude toward this whole thing is fabulously innocent. Let's face it, Manny doesn't want to be the only baby riding around with training wheels on his bike while everyone else is sporting a two-wheeler! Pretending that all professional baseball players aren't doing the same thing (on some level) is like believing in the tooth fairy! And its not just baseball. UConn basketball is in trouble for breaking the rules to get ahead. I could mention the Fab Five but I'll save that commentary for when I do my "Why the NCAA is Ridiculous - I'm Forming My Own Association" article.


Yeah, Manny got caught. They all do eventually. But, much like my theory on the NCAA violations, why don't we all stop lying about it so we can actually solve the "cheating" problem. I mean, if we're all cheating, let's all cheat and stop living by some fictitious rule book. Its like an adult who is afraid to tell their parents they smoke! If you're not playing by the "rules," why don't you just say so and at a minimum we can all stop LYING about it. That goes for everyone. Oh, and Congress, GET A LIFE or at a minimum do something of any value to our struggling nation (says the girl researching an unsolved 1967 murder but learning very quickly the FBI knew exactly who did it). We have bigger fish to fry folks! Like, get me my 401K back and then we can consider talking about the "K" pitchers throw!