Hilarity

Hysterical!

Clausen Will Declare for 2010 Draft

Jimmy Clausen has decided to declare himself for the NFL draft in 2010. This is at the advice of Charlie Weis - and we all know how good Charlie's advice is based on his coaching records at ND. Seems like a big f you to ND from Weis - leaving the program without a quarterback.

Nonetheless, I suspect that Clausen's career as a pro will go just about as good as Brady Quinn's. By that, I mean it's possible that one day, he'll have the honor of losing to the Lions on Thanksgiving Day to prove that he is actually the worst QB in the NFL.

Good luck, Jimmy.

Is There Anything Charlies Weis Can't Eat?

Following Charlies Weis' sketchy and long overdue departure from the Notre Dame football program, rumors are swirling that Weis will return to the Patriots. Doesn't anyone else think that Charlie should focus on not eating himself to death? I cannot be alone in thinking that this man needs to take a hiatus to get his BMI under control before contemplating employment anywhere. Alternatively, I might suggest Weis would have more success as a professional speed eater. Moreover, if the man can't add up 2,000 calories or beat Syracuse or UConn in football, what is it about Weis that makes him even mildly attractive as a prospective employee.

Correct me if I am wrong, although Brady threw for 13,919 yards in the regular season, completed 61.6 percent of his passes, and won three Super Bowls with Weiss, he has done substantially better since Charlie left. During Charlie's tenure Brady threw an average of 181.5 yards a game and post-Weis he threw 265.8 yards on average a game, including the game during which he tore his ACL on the opening drive.

Finally, it really irks me that Brady would be so supportive of Weis. As Brady himself has pointed out Weis was fully devoted to ND and as a Wolverine I find it unprofessional to fraternize with the enemy unless it is absolutely necessary - aka they are members of your family (which is my excuse).

Super Bowl XLIV - 9.20.09

The Jets dubbed this weekend's match-up against the Pats as "their Super Bowl." The plan is to "embarrass" the Patriots. But isn't it embarrassing enough that they have conceded that this will be their biggest game of their season? I mean, they've essentially conceded that they have no hope of playing in the real Super Bowl. And while I don't think anyone expects or wants them to kiss Belichick's rings, let's face facts, accepting that you're facing the best team in the league is really more of a compliment than an insult! So thanks guys!

And the age old lesson holds true--sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut. My brother learned that lesson in '03 when he and his friend came to Ann Arbor screaming "GO IRISH!" at the top of their lungs, and Notre Dame had negative rushing yards at the half and didn't score a single point. He learned it again in '06 when all I heard on the ride from Chicago to South Bend was something about a "Return to Glory" and a National Championship. Funny that at the end of the game the scoreboard said 21-47 with touchdown Jesus in the background.

More Controversy in South Bend

Some ND fans posted a billboard in South Bend which may be considered somewhat disparaging to ND's football coach, Charlie Weis.



Apparently the sign has been removed. Those who paid for it are complaining about their 1st Amendment rights. And, let's face facts, when Weis lost to Syracuse in their last HOME game of the year he deserves to be criticized. Apparently the hosts of ESPN's PTI don't understand the meaning of first amendment rights, stating "It's not a first amendment issue." Frightening for anyone in broadcast journalism! Of course this is a 1st Amendment issue!

While the University will allow protesters to spend months on their campus graphically expressing their fanatical anti-abortion message in opposition to the President of the United States speaking at commencement, apparently they don't allow any criticism of the Commander in Chief of their football team!

When you suck as much as Charlie Weis you deserve to hear about it. Period.

Pep in Their Step

I was at a spring college football scrimmage this past weekend and I could not help but to be enthused. There is something about men in tight pants jumping all over each other and smacking each others' assess that is just so contagious. I found myself taking video footage of the band playing their star trek crescendo, snapping alluring photos of player 69 - yes, I behave like an adolescent - and trying as best I could not to grab to round tush of the gentleman in front of me.

I was having a great time until I realized, this team is undeniably mediocre. No, less than mediocre although the red shirted freshman quarterback was inspiring some more thoughts of ass-grabbing. Not to mention, they weren't selling beer so I turned to Kate and told her I was bored and wanted to go shopping. In an instant, the pep in my step was gone and realized that the only way to keep it was to actually care about what was in front of me. Since it is far too easy not to care about Syracuse Football, I decided heading to the mall was the best way to get the pep in my step back.

As for a brief comment on the potential of Syracuse's team this year, I'll point out that Coach Robinson shocked just about everyone (except maybe Charlie Weiss) when he led his team to victory in the final game of his coaching career at Notre Dame Stadium last fall. Nonetheless, the program has a long way to go before it's going to inspire pep in anyone's step!

This brings me to the point of my blog entry. A few weeks ago when MJ was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, it was reported by the Detroit Free Press that MJ was actually saddened by it. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't think the man is crying in his California king, sobbing and snotting all over his thousand thread count Egyptian cotton pillow cases, but I think the fact that he is officially a legacy and NOT a player anymore was a reality that hit hard.

Although one has to wonder what kind of denial he has been living with all these years, his induction officially marks the end of an era. Perhaps from his perspective he thinks this means he will now join the rest of us "normal" people who live in a world of grey. Meanwhile, the lives of players are strictly black and white: you win, you're a winner, and you lose, and you're a loser... how does this translate into the world outside of sports?

The same article that reported on MJ's induction, spouted off statistics about retired athletes and all inferred the same thing, life changes when you retire, and for the worse. Divorce, bankruptcy, and substance abuse rates all increase among professional athletes after retirement. This seems to suggest that the sports world socializes its players in such a specific and confined way, that when athletes are required to socialize in a world that is much less black and white, they are often unable to maintain stability.

Which leads me to Isiah Lord Thomas, III. First, I would just like to say, I would never include the name, "Lord", in designating a title for my child. I don't care if they were the third or thirty-first in line. In my opinion the name's obvious association is entirely too much to live up to. For example, my name is Ruby and I'm still scarred from little jerks running around the playground calling me "Ruby-Booby." I cannot imagine what little ILT3 must have endured. But I digress.

Moving on, Isiah had an outstanding professional career as a basketball player. In 1981, he led the Hoosiers to the NCAA tournament and was deemed Most Outstanding Player. He entered the NBA drafted after his sophomore year and was the second pick overall in 1981. He went to playoff after playoff with the Pistons, setting an NBA final record while playing hurt against the Lakers in 1988. The next year, he and his fellow "Bad Boys"set a franchise record with a 69-19 record and won back-to-back championships. In 1990, Thomas was named the NBA's MVP. SHEEEEEEEEEESH, I mean if that's not living the high life, then I don't know what is, but then... insert Syracuse Band's version of Star Trek theme song insinuating impending disaster... Isiah tore his Achilles' tendon. This is when the rain came-a-pouring.

After retiring from professional play, Thomas continued his involvement in professional basketball in a variety of roles which included coaching and management. These roles didn't seem to suit ILT3 as made evident by his post-play experiences. As far as coaching went, he didn't quite do it for the Pacers, and definitely was not doing it for the Knicks. And, to make matters worse, he was slapped with a sexual assault lawsuit, reported as a racist, and rumors spread like wild fire when ILT3 was admitted to the hospital for a sleeping pill overdose. Loss of the pep in his step... I think so.

Now Thomas is turning to FIU to continue living the sport mantra: "If you win, you're a winner. If you lose, you're a loser." Let me just say this, I pray to the Lord that FIU allows Isiah to take advantage of this chance at glory. This man needs to go out on a high note because I would hate for Isiah to match up anymore to the retired player statistics that I mentioned previously. Let's put some pep in his step and then cryo freeze it.

Conclusion: Retired players, whether they like it or not, must be aware that as a byproduct of their skill-set they are being mentally f'ed with. At some point in everyone's life, professional athlete to retired shoe salesman, all people have to learn to embrace that change is inevitable and the only way to end up successful on the other side, pep still in step, is to embrace it and change too. And lastly, I am seriously going to consider gearing my medical studies toward psychiatry, it seems a necessary practice, yet not exactly rocket science.