Hairy Situations

What is with men thinking their hair is some secret key to their team’s success? I’ve heard of the lucky jock strap superstition, the crazy pregame rituals that athletes swear by and even the “I don’t wash my socks all season” myth, but hair? C’mon boys – unless you have locks that rival the miraculous and mysterious powers of Amy Winehouse (her ‘do doubles as a drug storage) or Kate Gosselin (somethings gotta be going on up there if she can handle 9 kids counting Jon) you’re SOL. That being said – Ron Artest and Baron Davis? Get over yourselves and those furry badgers nestled on your heads.



Even though he too has a strange obsession with his hair, at least Clippers' Baron Davis can make his beard into a joke. Calling his facial accessory the "key to his swag", you too can now attain Davis’s status by purchasing a Boom’s Beard through his special offer. I mean, who wouldn't want that kind of "swag" when the Clippers have lost 5 of their last 6 games?



Second case in point: Ron Artest recently dyed the word “defense” in purple into his bleach-blonde buzz cut in Hebrew, Japanese and Hindi. This was apparently supposed to serve as “subliminal” motivation for the team to help turn their season around. Hmm… quite literally spelling out your message on your head? Yes, how very “subliminal” of you. Oh, and the Lakers went on to lose to the Magic that game. Further evidence of magical hair powers? Puh-lease.

Hennessy - Starting Foward for the LA Lakers

As perhaps an effort to shun any and all PR advice and deplete the chances of future employment, NBA bad boy, Ron Artest, has publicly admitted he used to sip Henney at half-time. On the one hand, this really explains a lot about this:



On the other, WTF are you thinking?! I get the whole, once ghetto, always ghetto mentality. But, at least Jay-Z is smart enough to realize a little bit of class goes a long way. Furthermore, the fact that Artest has recently attempted to act as a role model for children only to immediately prove he is a horrible role model is troubling.

Artest on Geologic Time

Recently, Ron Artest threw a shoe into the stands, a move that sparked a lot of controversy. Mostly, if not exclusively, because Ron Artest tossed something in the general direction of the stands. For those of you that live under a bush or have a very bad memory, Ron Artest fled to the stands during a Piston game, attacking a fan named John Green five years ago today.

Apparently, Artest and Green are teaming up to start a community initiative for troubled youth. Speaking about the endeavor, Green noted that just a few months ago, Artest called to apologize. Artest told him he was embarrassed about the entire incident and he was sorry. Seriously, FIVE YEARS LATER you apologized?! Apparently, Artest operates on geologic time because there is no other excuse for apologizing FIVE YEARS later.

Kobe Bites the Dust, Louis Vuitton Still on Top

Nothing gives me more pleasure than a new Louie bag except for Kobe losing. It doesn't matter who he loses to or what he loses - a game, his wife, his dignity - so long as Kobe comes out behind, and I don't mean behind a chick in a hotel room in Colorado.

That is why I am please to announce that Kobe and the Lakers got their asses beat by Houston last night. Kobe had a whopping 18 points, a season low for the loser, making just 5-of-20. Really, Kobe?! Really?!? I can do better than that in a skin tight dress and stilettos.

Speaking of shoes, during the annihilation, Artest threw Ariza's shoe toward the stands. And here I thought Artest learned his lesson about interacting too much with the fans during games.

The Lakers have lost two in a row which is just as fabulous as any handbag. Not to mention, 'Melo's creeping on Kobe for league scoring leader. Athletes are just like expensive purses, you don't always get what you pay for.