Watch Out Kris, Here Comes Kim

While the rumors have been swirling for quite some time, Kim Kardashian has finally decided to come out with the news that she is “just dating” New Jersey Nets forward. While she blew off the questioning press with such a nonchalant answer, her mother was also recently quoted saying, “I usually don’t meet them until she gets serious and, so far, she hasn’t brought him around.” While the two stories seem to match up, then comes the kicker (insert dramatic ‘DUM DUM DUM’ here): apparently on Friday Kris is going to get to meet the entire Kardashian gang over dinner.

Now, while I am sure that none of us are exactly shocked by this news, I think that we all should be concerned by the fact that Kim has started dating a new one. I mean, the girl treats her mostly athlete exes about as kindly as Scott treats Kourtney (i.e. the term “kind” can hardly even be used in the topic unless serious sarcasm and/or ignorance is involved).

Let’s take a look at her track record:
Ex #1: Damon Thomas.
- Ok, so he’s not an athlete, but that is beside the point. Thomas went on record after their divorce claiming that Kim was a lying “fame whore” and plastic surgery-loving cheater. According to Thomas, Kim used him to finance her shopping, lipo and a boob job only to turn around and cheat on him with “multiple guys”.


Ex #2: Reggie Bush.
- According to sources, the “final” split came about because Kim was “too into the whole Hollywood thing” and wouldn’t take any time away from her own endeavors to spend any time with Reggie.

Ex #3: Miles Austin.
- Please read EX #2. Again, apparently Kim couldn’t make time for Miles in her oh-so-hectic schedule. I completely understand putting your career first – more power to you on that one sister – but if you cannot find time for a relationship even in the beginning honeymoon phase, you should probably do both of you a favor and not get into one in the first place. DUH.

As the saying goes, history repeats itself. So unless Kris is looking for a very occasional booty call (because apparently that is all she will have time for), he might as well not waste his time. Kim: love you, love Keeping up with the Kardashians, but please: spare this poor boy.


Kardashian’s are Forward Thinkers?
Kris is a forward for the Nets. Lamar is a forward for the Lakers. Taking it too far? ... That's fine...

This is just starting to suck...

A couple of days ago, beloved Reggie Bush suffered the consequences of accepting cash payments while at USC by forfeiting his Heisman trophy. And apparently that act has come others to forward. Next up, and perhaps even more disheartening, is Sir Charles Barkley's recent admission of improper payments while at Auburn. I mean, I wouldn't say I'm surprised that this happened (how could you be with previous incidents like this), but Chuck has been so open in punishing people that I at least thought he could stay out of trouble until his entertaining post-NBA career. But, at least Charles let the world know of his wrongdoings with a bang. It wouldn't be Barkley without some controversial quotes, such as "If a guy wants to borrow money from an agent because he's poor, what's wrong with that...Most of the players I know borrowed money from agents". All of these incidents lead me to think that maybe it's about time the NCAA stops milking every dollar from college athletics, and gives the players a little bit more than a weekly stipend. If a normal college football fan can sell a jersey to someone else, why can't Georgia WR A.J. Green do the same with one of his?? That's a debate for another time, but in the meantime, keep being you Sir Charles:

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Reggie Bush Forfeits Heisman Trophy...

None of us at CCUB will ever be mistaken for being Trojans fans. But, as his Strapping Jock award suggests, we are all fans of Reggie Bush. However, not all is well for the Saints RB. First came the tension with Kim Kardashian. And yesterday, amidst alleged infractions of Bush receiving improper cash benefits and being the principal reason for the NCAA punishing USC, he decided (i.e. was forced) to give up his 2005 Heisman trophy. It's a shame that one of the most electrifying players in college football history couldn't resist the lure of more immediate financial stability. USC officials have returned their copy of Bush's Heisman Trophy to the Heisman Trophy Trust. And more trouble could be on the way, as the NCAA will now turn to determining whether the Trojans will maintain their 2004 BCS title. I'll leave it to Trojans fans to decide what Bush's legacy should be, but putting one of college football's premier (if not also despised) programs on probation is probably not the best way to "Fight On" for many Trojans fans.

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Rose Bush?!

It is being reported that Reggie Bush and Amber Rose are dating. The rumors come following reports that Kim Kardashian hooked up with Kayne West. First of all, Kim seriously likes her some chocolate men! But, I digress.

Allegations that Rose and Bush were spotted getting cozy at a Southampton hot spot last weekend have cemented claims that the two are getting serious.  Does anyone else think this is gross?  Anyone that is insecure enough to sleep with a hairless bimbo to get back at their ex has some serious issues.

That said, damn Reggie looks good!  Too bad I hit up Cape Cod rather than the Hamptons last weekend!

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Take it Easy, NCAA, Take it Easy

Earlier today the NCAA came to a conclusion on its punishment for the University of Southern California’s sport’s violations. The verdict on the university’s lack of institutional control? USC football will lose 10 scholarships for each of the next three seasons, is being forced to vacate any victories that Reggie Bush participated in starting in December 2004 and is banned from 2010 and 2011 season bowl games. Their basketball team also has to give up one scholarship, forfeit any wins from the 2006-7 season and ban itself from the 2010 postseason. On top of no longer being allowed to associate with Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo (the two players highlighted in the investigation), USC will also be forced to repay the $200,000 it got for participating in the NCAA tournament.

According to the NY Times, these USC penalties are the harshest the NCAA has given to any university since 1986 when they shut down the Southern Methodist football program for two years. Yes, we all knew USC would at least get a slap on the wrist, but I think this was the rough equivalent of a public spanking. It might not be right to break the rules, but I think there are much worse things the university could be doing besides pampering their athletes. Take it easy, NCAA.

Stripping Down Reggie Bush

Normally, I would be willing to do just about anything short of standing on the corner to get Reggie Bush nakey (Please see exhibit A to the left if for some unknown reason you feel you need further explanation). That being said, seen and salivated over, I think the fact that I am adamant about not stripping down Reggie in this instance puts his most recent controversy into quite some perspective.

This year the Saints’ running back came under investigation for allegedly receiving benefits from the University of Southern California football program back during his time as a Trojan. Being the all-star he is, he also happened to win a Heisman Trophy while he played for USC. Now, if you are an intelligent person, you are probably wondering why this matters. Typical NCAA, they are considering retroactively declaring Bush ineligible for his 2004 and 2005 seasons. Heisman rules declare that a "recipient must be in compliance with the bylaws defining an NCAA student-athlete”, which means they could potentially make the choice to strip Reggie of his title.

Seriously? All I have to say is give.me.a.frickin.break. As if anything that happened FIVE years ago isn’t already old news that no one cares about, I think that of all possible athlete trespasses, “receiving benefits” should be the least of the NCAA’s worries (Helllllo A-Rod, Mike Tyson and, oh yea: Tiger?). Unless he was “receiving” blowies from half the female USC employees on a bi-weekly basis, I don’t think any gifts bestowed upon him could really be that inappropriate. And besides: can you blame the guy for accepting expensive gifts for simply doing what he loved? That would be like Bret Michaels turning down the Rock of Love hoes that come as a side dish with his 15-minutes of fame. Exactly: not going to happen.

Besides, if we are going to get on the topic of miscreant Heisman recipients, let’s not forget that OJ Simpson (who killed people) and Tim Tebow (need I really say more about this pussy?) are still proud members of the club. I think I make my point.

Kim and Reggie on the Rebound

When it was reported last week that Reggie Bush had moved on to (smoking hot) country singer Jessie James after a string of post-Kim randos, I felt bad for the Kardashian.... That was until she landed an equally impressive rebound of her own: Cristiano Ronaldo. Personally, I've never been too big on soccer players, but for this one I'll make an exception. Not only is this Portuguese soccer player outrageously good looking, but he is also a badass on the field: in 2008 alone he won a UEFA Champions League title, FIFA World Player of the Year, was Manchester United's first Ballon d'Or winner in 40 years AND was awarded the Silver Ball after scoring two goals for the win at the Club World Cup... and I mean, the accent doesn't hurt either. Do work, Kim.

Reggie Bush Tweeted This Today....

...and since it always cracks me up, I'm sharing!

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And the Strapping Jock Award Goes to...

Mr. Bush! No, not the ex President George W. Bush, but Saint’s running back star Reggie Bush! With his gorgeous smile and polished charm both off and on the field, no wonder why his nickname is “The President.” Just looking at him he would get my vote any day! But, SJTM is not all about looks, these guys got to have some impressive talent to win this award. Take a look at Reggie’s credentials….

Playing for USC, Reggie won the most prestigious individual award in college football in a landslide with the highest-ever percentages of first-place votes. After college, Reggie was the #2 pick for the NFL draft in 2006 and last month, Reggie led the New Orleans Saints into a super bowl victory over the Indianapolis Colts ( 31-17). Those are but just highlights of his football career, with other impressive non-football related stats to his name. Reggie, in the effort to help New Orleans recover from Hurricane Katrina, donated $50,000 to help rebuild a school and offered scholarships to help students pay for college.

And of course, he is dating none other than the flawless Kim Kardashian, who he was rumored to propose to if he won the Super Bowl. Let’s just say Reggie Bush has a lot to hold onto, a Heisman Trophy, super bowl title, Kim Kardashian’s ass, and now a SJTM award.

Super Bowl Sunday Funday

I was really excited to just sit on the couch and intently watch the Saints roll over Peyton and the Colts. However, around 2 p.m. it became clear that wasn't going to happen when Mariam took a nap on the couch and while simultaneously expressing a lack of desire to prepare her contribution to the pot luck. So, I headed to the kitchen and whipped up some mac & cheese. Then some piggies in a blanket, mozzarella sticks, taquitos, bagel bites, and various other food items. I even cooked in the dark when a fuse blew, permanently.

The experience made me realize two things. 1. I need a wife. 2. Amit needs a TV in his kitchen.

That said, I am very excited the Saints won. It was a great game with just the right amount of drama and some bizarre decisions. So, does this mean Kim Kardashian is off the market? Rumors have been swirling that the couple had a bet that if Reggie and the Saints won the Super Bowl, he would propose. However, Kardashian has adamantly denied the rumors, saying that the whole story has been twisted out of control after a radio interviewer suggested the arrangement.


On a final note, I hope that Peyton cries all week.

Really?!?

Reggie Bush reportedly has said that if the Saints win the Super Bowl he will propose to Kim Kardashian. Really?! That's worse than saying if I knock her up I'll propose. At least the latter would be making a bad situation (ah-hem Kourtney) better. I wouldn't want a ring just cause he got one. Rather, I'd like a ring because I look damn good, I can cook, and I am a blast to hang out with.

A few days late...

Where to start? On Friday, I was driving home in morning traffic - stop, get your minds out of the gutter - and I heard the most amazing stories on the radio. The first topic is of extreme interest to me and has nothing to do with sports but absolutely must be discussed.

When I was a young girl, my family played board games all the time. Correction. We'd play Monopoly all the time. It was terrible. We are all so competitive, that the game would inevitably end in arguing and with an annoying, gloating winner. I always thought to myself that we needed to do away with the tradition. Granted, the game has numerous positive attributes, but all those positives pale in comparison to the aftermath that followed. Now after hearing this radio discussion, I 100% believe that the game needs to be taken off the market. Word is that a husband was arrested after slapping his wife across the face for not selling him Boardwalk and Parkplace. REALLY? Apparently, she was hit hard enough that her glasses flew off her face. REALLY? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME? Her husband apparently went to jail. I don't even want to get into why this woman even agreed to play the game in the first place knowing her husband's temper and unrelenting desire for BWandPP, but this I will say this, "WTF man... talk about love lock down."

Kayne West apparently is responsible for the break up of Kim and Reggie, which actually makes me really sad. I really liked them. Apparently Kim and Kayne hung out one night, and Kayne became absolutely smitten. His texts, read by Reggie, proclaimed his not so secret desires, which understandably made Reggie quite unhappy. Now, I have only two things to say about this. One, "Shame on you Kayne. You should probably start pumping some iron, or hire a few extra body guards because compared to Reggie, your just a 'Little Guy'. I think you two should just settle this in the most decent way possible, put on some gloves and get in the ring." Secondly, "Call me Reggie."

Monica Conyers apparently stole several thousands of dollars worth of office supplies when she left her Detroit political office. Some speculate that she was hiding digital cameras in her weave; nonetheless, with all this bad publicity Detroit has been getting between Monica, Kwame, and the car Co. CEO's, I would think that the last thing on there mind would be signing Michael ConVick(t) to the Lions. I am apparently wrong. Rumor has it that the Lions are considering him, which points to two things: one, how desperate the Lions are for a win, and two, how Detroit loves the drama. I am going to petition for the adjective "dirty" to be dropped from describing the South- sorry Nelly- and for Detroit to adopt it. I mean it can't be called the automotive anything anymore, so let's just embrace it, alright? There is no point in denying it, so let's just waive our law breaking flags proudly Dirty Detroit. Welcome to the team Vick, your signing bonus is a house really close the the border full of puppies. Have a good season.

Pardon the Legal-Ease: Heated Controversy, Legal Debate, and Dissolution of Reggie and Kim

Today, I took the New York portion of the New York state bar exam. My failure to sleep and disregard for food during "testing" have surprisingly left me exhausted and hungry, albeit, a little skinnier! In my semi-delerious mental state I have made some interesting findings. First, with extended sleep deprivation, I crave large cans of beer that can be purchased at gas stations. Moreover, defying the reasonable man's expectations, I finish them before they get cold. There is definitely something to this; either they have provided reinforced thermal aluminum 24 oz. receptacles with the same pliability as un-reinforced non-thermal aluminum or I am in dire need of an alcoholic beverage. But, I digress. That was all totally irrelevant but I hope you appreciate it.

In other news, I am convinced that sleep deprivation causes a high similar to that of mind altering drugs. Drugs, like, my beer (or the alcoholic content of my beer for those failing to draw the inference). And, now, I haven't digressed but yet returned to where I began, thus coming full circle. So amid all the controversy about "[performance enhancing] drugs" I am greeted with a headline that reads, "Down goes Michael." At first I was frightened since my brother and at least 10 friends of mine are named Michael. Accordingly, I read on. "Phelps beat in 200m, first loss since '05." Of course, I was relieved at first that my brother and 10+ friends were all still "up." Nonetheless, with an excessive use of modifiers I was able to appreciate the fact that our Strapping Jock of the Month is getting negative press.

First, there was that thing about him winning 8 gold metals and he was the American Hero. Then, there was that thing about smoke surrounding him as he held a tall glass of water and he became the American God. And, finally, he was awarded Strapping Jock of the Year by Curves Change Up Ball. Although this was the pinnacle of his career to date (superceding both his athletic and supernatural divinity) I was not anticipating such a fast fall from grace. Even Brittney didn't fall so far so fast!

I decided to investing this alleged criminal bathing suit: the X-Glide. As an aside - because this is all so on point - I'd like to point out the defamation poor X has incurred through the years. Even in cartoons X has it bad. I think ever since X starting hanging out with the skulls and pirates things went downhill. Think about it, cartoons ingrain in our children that X is bad. The potential tort action of X being duly noted, I find it ironic that this swimsuit is so aptly named.

My investigation revealed that this suit will be "banned" by the international swimming world, thereby undoubtedly increasing X's potential tort recovery. Just when I thought I could make a swimmer the Strapping Jock of the Month I learn that banned substances in swimming consist of lyrca, spandex, and some other synthetic materials (surely including letter "X" to substantial their threat in the swimming world). Really?! This is your sport's performance enhancing drug? I skin tight body suit?! And, on the same day that Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian broke the news about their split?!!!?! It just confirms that swimming is potentially the most geeky sport going. Even more geeky than cycling which, with the co-mingling going on between x and y, is difficult to top.



So, Reggie... I'm available. You can contact me via my blog and I would be happy to share my personal contact information with you in confidence. I love New Orleans, particularly during Marti Gras, and at all other times. I would move there in a heartbeat and learn a different state's substantive law, including taking another bar exam. Civil Code at that! Of course, I think we should take it slow. I know it's going to be hard to get over Kim's amazing booty. But, in the meantime, I'll be doing some serious squats to plump my bum!