Vick Courageously Drops His Soap in the Shower

In addition to being honor by college football's worst QB, Tyrell Pryor, Michael Vick was honored with the Ed Block Courage Award. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, anything that pisses PETA off, I am all for. On the other, seriously?! Tiger Woods is more courageous than Michael Vick - Woods had a crazy blond chasing him with a golf club and that's some scary shit! Nothing is more frightening than a scorned woman, not even dropping the soap in a prison shower.

The moral, of all these, is that neither Woods nor Vick deserve any awards - not this year anyway. The two of them should frankly be embarrassed that their names were brought up for any awards!

Vick Movin' On Up!

Michael Vick will star in an eight-part TV series on none other than Black Entertainment Television. That's right, BET is doing a show on Michael Vick. Why is this not surprising?!

Turns out...

Apparently self-loathing is shown by joining Bible study...

Michael Vick has joined the Eagles Bible study group.  

Wanted: Self Loathing QB

Jerry Lurie stated, in what I pray is an ill-advised PR plan, that he wants to see "self-hatred" in Michael Vick.  On the most basic level, I can't imagine going around hiring people and seeking those who exhibit self-hatred.  Vick didn't have to try out for the Eagles.  There was no need to prove any athletic ability, merely that he hated himself.  

But let's be honest, I don't think Michael Vick HATES himself.  I certainly hope he doesn't hate himself.  I mean, he's not T.O.!  I am not worried he's going to commit suicide or even shed a tear!  What kind of a moron prescribes self-hatred as the requisite mentality for his employees?

Criminal Minds

Is it just me, or are athletes being indicted now more than ever?  Between Stallworth, Pierce, Burress, and Vick I feel like athletes stampeding our criminal courts.  Perhaps it is just a perception.  Perhaps it is just that there is more media attention to these indictments.  Sure, we were always going to hear about the O.J. Simpsons of the bunch.  And, undoubtedly, Michael Vick was a good opportunity for prosecutors to make a "spectacle."  

Another minor league pitcher has been indicted for hitting a fan in the head with a ball intended for the opposing team's dugout during a bench-clearing brawl.  Sentenced to 30 days in jail, ordered to work toward his GED, and 3 years probation along with anger management courses, Julio Castillo certainly got the most severe punishment of all the players involved in the brawl.  And why, because he's a bad pitcher?  Let's face it, I'd expect a pitcher of all players to be able to hit his target!  But that's here nor there.  Shouldn't each and every player be indicted?  They all participated and I don't think a brawl was within the scope of their consent so unless everyone else just stood around like little girls they all committed crimes!

Why should Castillo face two felony charges - assault with a deadly weapon and causing serious physical harm?  First of all, I am not convinced a baseball is a deadly weapon.  Sure, when thrown by a professional pitcher it is.  But, if that is the standard then every time Merriweather throws a punch it's assault with a deadly weapon.  Since I don't believe that average person throwing a baseball has the ability to kill someone I strongly oppose the conclusion that this is a "deadly weapon."  Which seriously draws into question the capacity of Castillo's lawyer.  

Second, I don't qualify a headache as serious physical harm.  In most states, serious physical harm is defined by statute.  Because I'd rather draw the conclusion that people in Ohio are pansies, I haven't researched the existence of an OH statute.  However, any state that deems a buckeye intimidating is likely to think a headache is serious.  A rational state, for example, New York, defines a serious injury as loss of limb, life, serious disfigurement, etc.  Certainly a headache would not qualify.  Again, I have to question Castillo's legal assistance.  

Which ultimately leads me to question why these athletes are being indicted and charged for these crimes.  Obviously in some cases its undeniable that they committed them.  Indeed, frequently they plead guilty and take full responsibility like Stallworth.  Other times athletes try and play the popularity card to avoid criminal charges, like Burress.  Apparently it works sometimes, look at O.J.  Other times it does not.  Look at O.J.  I also wonder whether these new strict "conduct" rules by the NFL and other leagues are actually leading to greater criminal charges.  It seems to me that there has been a rise in criminal charges since Goodell has implemented stricter rules in the NFL.  I haven't seen a similar rise in charges against basketball players.  Come to think of it, when the NBA was trying to be more strict it seems to me the players were getting arrested more often.  I'll have to run some numbers on this hypothesis and get back to you...

Of course, the answer could be that we have become more interested in criminal activity in the Nancy Grace era resulting in greater media attention.  Who knows.  Nonetheless, it does seem to me that something's up.

A few days late...

Where to start? On Friday, I was driving home in morning traffic - stop, get your minds out of the gutter - and I heard the most amazing stories on the radio. The first topic is of extreme interest to me and has nothing to do with sports but absolutely must be discussed.

When I was a young girl, my family played board games all the time. Correction. We'd play Monopoly all the time. It was terrible. We are all so competitive, that the game would inevitably end in arguing and with an annoying, gloating winner. I always thought to myself that we needed to do away with the tradition. Granted, the game has numerous positive attributes, but all those positives pale in comparison to the aftermath that followed. Now after hearing this radio discussion, I 100% believe that the game needs to be taken off the market. Word is that a husband was arrested after slapping his wife across the face for not selling him Boardwalk and Parkplace. REALLY? Apparently, she was hit hard enough that her glasses flew off her face. REALLY? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME? Her husband apparently went to jail. I don't even want to get into why this woman even agreed to play the game in the first place knowing her husband's temper and unrelenting desire for BWandPP, but this I will say this, "WTF man... talk about love lock down."

Kayne West apparently is responsible for the break up of Kim and Reggie, which actually makes me really sad. I really liked them. Apparently Kim and Kayne hung out one night, and Kayne became absolutely smitten. His texts, read by Reggie, proclaimed his not so secret desires, which understandably made Reggie quite unhappy. Now, I have only two things to say about this. One, "Shame on you Kayne. You should probably start pumping some iron, or hire a few extra body guards because compared to Reggie, your just a 'Little Guy'. I think you two should just settle this in the most decent way possible, put on some gloves and get in the ring." Secondly, "Call me Reggie."

Monica Conyers apparently stole several thousands of dollars worth of office supplies when she left her Detroit political office. Some speculate that she was hiding digital cameras in her weave; nonetheless, with all this bad publicity Detroit has been getting between Monica, Kwame, and the car Co. CEO's, I would think that the last thing on there mind would be signing Michael ConVick(t) to the Lions. I am apparently wrong. Rumor has it that the Lions are considering him, which points to two things: one, how desperate the Lions are for a win, and two, how Detroit loves the drama. I am going to petition for the adjective "dirty" to be dropped from describing the South- sorry Nelly- and for Detroit to adopt it. I mean it can't be called the automotive anything anymore, so let's just embrace it, alright? There is no point in denying it, so let's just waive our law breaking flags proudly Dirty Detroit. Welcome to the team Vick, your signing bonus is a house really close the the border full of puppies. Have a good season.