Watch Out Kris, Here Comes Kim

While the rumors have been swirling for quite some time, Kim Kardashian has finally decided to come out with the news that she is “just dating” New Jersey Nets forward. While she blew off the questioning press with such a nonchalant answer, her mother was also recently quoted saying, “I usually don’t meet them until she gets serious and, so far, she hasn’t brought him around.” While the two stories seem to match up, then comes the kicker (insert dramatic ‘DUM DUM DUM’ here): apparently on Friday Kris is going to get to meet the entire Kardashian gang over dinner.

Now, while I am sure that none of us are exactly shocked by this news, I think that we all should be concerned by the fact that Kim has started dating a new one. I mean, the girl treats her mostly athlete exes about as kindly as Scott treats Kourtney (i.e. the term “kind” can hardly even be used in the topic unless serious sarcasm and/or ignorance is involved).

Let’s take a look at her track record:
Ex #1: Damon Thomas.
- Ok, so he’s not an athlete, but that is beside the point. Thomas went on record after their divorce claiming that Kim was a lying “fame whore” and plastic surgery-loving cheater. According to Thomas, Kim used him to finance her shopping, lipo and a boob job only to turn around and cheat on him with “multiple guys”.


Ex #2: Reggie Bush.
- According to sources, the “final” split came about because Kim was “too into the whole Hollywood thing” and wouldn’t take any time away from her own endeavors to spend any time with Reggie.

Ex #3: Miles Austin.
- Please read EX #2. Again, apparently Kim couldn’t make time for Miles in her oh-so-hectic schedule. I completely understand putting your career first – more power to you on that one sister – but if you cannot find time for a relationship even in the beginning honeymoon phase, you should probably do both of you a favor and not get into one in the first place. DUH.

As the saying goes, history repeats itself. So unless Kris is looking for a very occasional booty call (because apparently that is all she will have time for), he might as well not waste his time. Kim: love you, love Keeping up with the Kardashians, but please: spare this poor boy.


Kardashian’s are Forward Thinkers?
Kris is a forward for the Nets. Lamar is a forward for the Lakers. Taking it too far? ... That's fine...

Quick NBA Finals Game 7 Preview...

I'm going to make this a quick post, because like most of you, I want to get a seat at the bar for the game. Today's game marks the final game of the NBA season. It all comes down to a do-or-die game 7 between the Boston Celtics and the LA Lakers at the Staples Center. Neither team has been able to gain more than a temporary sense of momentum in the series. It seems like any time a team gets on a roll or has something go it's way, the other team ends up benefiting. That's a good sign for the Celtics, because they got throttled in Game 6. Unfortunately for the Celtics, they will be without starting center Kendrick Perkins, who tore ligaments in his knee during the first half of Game 6. That's not a good sign for a team that is already way more guard-oriented. Glen Davis or Rasheed Wallace will start in place of Perkins, but the best piece of news coming out of this unfortunate incident is that my favorite Celtics player Brian Scalabrine is probably going to be activated for this game.



Even though he's a U$C Trojan, he gives hope to goofy-looking white guys everywhere that maybe they can get paid big bucks to become a cheerleader on the bench.

But back to the game. Honestly, I think everyone expects this game to be one for the ages. I mean, it's the Lakers and the Celtics, the two teams with the most NBA titles, in a game 7. Bird vs. Johnson, McHale vs. Abdul-Jabbar. This game can't not be good. In the end though, I think the Lakers are going to pull it out. Kobe playing Game 7 in LA means he won't be stopped. If the Celtics can limit him enough, they will win. Another key player is Lakers center Andrew Bynum. He is getting surgery after the season for torn cartilage in his own knee, but he'll play through the pain tonight. How he performs has a huge impact on who will have the frontcourt advantage in this game. Without Perkins, I think he'll have an easier time posting up against the short Davis or the old (and quite possibly insane) Wallace. Frontcourt contributions will be the difference, and the Lakers win 99-92. And I'm not just saying that because I have ten pesos on the game.

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Yet Another Reason to Booo the Lakers

Phil Jackson response to the Boston Globe when asked if he expected "physical play" against the Celtics in the Finals.

“We don’t have a smackdown mentality,” he said. “You might have seen that with [Kevin] Garnett on [Orlando's Dwight] Howard in Game 6 in Boston, where he was smacking Howard’s arm and was finally called for an offensive foul... That’s not our kind of team. We don’t go out there to smack people around. I call it more resiliency. We’re a more resilient ball club. We try to stay strong and play hard. But we’re going to have to withstand some of that.”

As Blanche Leitner would say that is GRADE A BOLOGNA!!! Do I have to show it again? Apparently... Kobe Shoved him in the BALLS... IN THE BALLS OK? How more "physical" does it get? I didn't realize shoving your hand into someones testicles was now being referred to as "resilient". Ugh, I despise the Lakers.

Low Blow

Ted Green, a columnist for the LA Times, took his hate of the Boston Celtics a little too far in an article written Sunday. In his piece, “Your Guide to Hating the Celtics”, Green bashed the franchise as a whole and continued to specifically address the starting players. Coming from a Lakers fan, this doesn’t seem too out of place: talking shit is standard procedure when it comes to rivalries. When Green got to Paul Pierce, though, he definitely broke the unwritten trash-talking rules - check out the bolded portion of Green hating on Pierce:

No. 34, Paul Pierce: Pierce is their best scorer and a load for anyone to guard, including Ron Artest. But the Celtics' captain flops more than a large-mouthed bass taking his last breath dangling from a fishing rod at the end of a pier. Every time Pierce shoots, he acts like he's been hit by a train. Usually, he hasn't been touched. Two years ago, he fell during the Finals against the Lakers and went off in an actual wheelchair. Five minutes later, he was dropping 3's all over Banknorth Garden. He actually came back into the game with the music from "Rocky" blaring over the p.a. system. Yo, Paulie, that was such a bad con job, Sylvester Stallone is a better actor than your are. By the way, Pierce's idea of a fun night is going clubbing and getting stabbed. Good times! If you'll be seeing him for the first time, you'll hate him before the first quarter of Game 1 is even close to over, guaranteed. And by the way, Pablo, your headband is usually crooked.

Yea: inappropriate. In case you need a refresher, back in 2000 Pierce was stabbed 11 times in the face, neck and back and then hit over the head with a bottle. After the attack, he was rushed to the hospital for surgery. Although Pierce did end up making a full recovery, I hardly think near-death experiences are anyone’s idea of a “good time”, and definitely not a matter to joke about. C’mon, Ted, use a little common sense.

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NBA Western Conference Playoff Notes...

The first round of the NBA playoffs has already come and gone, with the Mavericks (as they always seem to do in the first round), Blazers, Nuggets, and Thunder all heading home earlier than they wanted to. The four remaining teams have all been there before, with each playing each other as recently as two years ago. Unfortunately, for any Jazz and Suns fans, the results haven't been too kind, as the Lakers and Spurs respectively have owned the head-to-head matchups. Should this year be any different? The Lakers have already beating the Jazz in Game One, but they definitely needed to work for it, using a late run by Kobe Bryant to rally for the win. If the Jazz were completely healthy, I'd say that they could not only give the Lakers a run for their money, but the rest of the Western Conference. This is a team that just took care of a talented Nuggets team fairly easily, boasts a bevy of talented players in Deron Williams, Andrei Kirilenko, Carlos Boozer, and Mehmet Okur. But Okur is out for the postseason with an achilles problem, and Kirilenko won't be at full strength at any point in this series. Playing against a team with Kobe Bryant, and that is hungry to prove doubters wrong and repeat, just doesn't add up to the Jazz doing much damage, even if the Lakers haven't been totally clicking recently. But hey, maybe the Jazz are hungry to win too. At the very least, they've got some ammo in the form of Kosta Koufos:

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Hairy Situations

What is with men thinking their hair is some secret key to their team’s success? I’ve heard of the lucky jock strap superstition, the crazy pregame rituals that athletes swear by and even the “I don’t wash my socks all season” myth, but hair? C’mon boys – unless you have locks that rival the miraculous and mysterious powers of Amy Winehouse (her ‘do doubles as a drug storage) or Kate Gosselin (somethings gotta be going on up there if she can handle 9 kids counting Jon) you’re SOL. That being said – Ron Artest and Baron Davis? Get over yourselves and those furry badgers nestled on your heads.



Even though he too has a strange obsession with his hair, at least Clippers' Baron Davis can make his beard into a joke. Calling his facial accessory the "key to his swag", you too can now attain Davis’s status by purchasing a Boom’s Beard through his special offer. I mean, who wouldn't want that kind of "swag" when the Clippers have lost 5 of their last 6 games?



Second case in point: Ron Artest recently dyed the word “defense” in purple into his bleach-blonde buzz cut in Hebrew, Japanese and Hindi. This was apparently supposed to serve as “subliminal” motivation for the team to help turn their season around. Hmm… quite literally spelling out your message on your head? Yes, how very “subliminal” of you. Oh, and the Lakers went on to lose to the Magic that game. Further evidence of magical hair powers? Puh-lease.

Kobe Bites the Dust, Louis Vuitton Still on Top

Nothing gives me more pleasure than a new Louie bag except for Kobe losing. It doesn't matter who he loses to or what he loses - a game, his wife, his dignity - so long as Kobe comes out behind, and I don't mean behind a chick in a hotel room in Colorado.

That is why I am please to announce that Kobe and the Lakers got their asses beat by Houston last night. Kobe had a whopping 18 points, a season low for the loser, making just 5-of-20. Really, Kobe?! Really?!? I can do better than that in a skin tight dress and stilettos.

Speaking of shoes, during the annihilation, Artest threw Ariza's shoe toward the stands. And here I thought Artest learned his lesson about interacting too much with the fans during games.

The Lakers have lost two in a row which is just as fabulous as any handbag. Not to mention, 'Melo's creeping on Kobe for league scoring leader. Athletes are just like expensive purses, you don't always get what you pay for.

Really? Really....? That is "So Hood"

Adande: Kobe-Shaq and the Artest signing

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Sure, I can sympathize with making news sounds like good news. I, on the other hand, prefer to take a more critical stance. I suppose it's the lawyer in me. First of all, I am not sure I would prefer to live in LA over Cleveland. I can't say I wouldn't but I can't say I would. There is something about the superficial way of life in CA that rubs me the wrong way. There's something about Silicon Valley and Silicone that make the excessive hit of the financial crisis out west, well, obvious. It's the land of excess and make-believe. The situs of Neverland Ranch; the former home of the late Michael Jackson... that was foreclosed on. In fact, the state motto is Eureka, which means "I found it," referring to the gold rush. I think we all know how that turned out.

While I digress, the point is that it is all a dream. LA is a place were illusion seems like reality and the impossible seems possible (or is that Vegas). To think that Artest's chances of winning a championship in LA are better than in Cleveland is an illusion. Let's face it, Orlando nearly took Kobe down. No doubt, we were all surprised. Moreover, it's Kobe's team. Kobe is not a team player. In my estimation Artest would be foolish to risk his career and further damage his reputation by playing with Kobe.

Kobe's a guy that thinks he can do it on his own. He doesn't want help and he wants to be the star of the show. LeBron, on the other hand, is practically begging for some help. LeBron wants teammates. Kobe wants four other individuals who can maintain possession of the ball while he gets in scoring position. Kobe's mentality is not conducive to furthering the careers of those four other players. Because of my perception of Kobe's mentality based on his experience in the league, I truly believe that Artest (or really any talented players) added to the Caveliers roster would make them a better team than the Lakers simply because LeBron has a better attitude.

I've said this before, and I say it again: LeBron is regularly slated to be the next "MJ." Of course, this has been said of Kobe in the past but if he were the next Michael Jordan, he'd have solidified that status after 13 years in a league and 4 championships. The reason he will never attain that level of fame is not because he cheated on his wife (or raped a woman, whichever you prefer), but because he doesn't play like MJ. And I don't mean he doesn't score as many points. I mean that he doesn't inspire his teammates, he apparently threatens to bite them... or growls at them... or whatever that teeth thing was he had going on during the playoffs. Kobe has no Pippen because he's too selfish. Yet, Artest wants to try and be his Pippen...? Good luck. My prediction is Artest's next brawl will take place on the benches on the court rather than those in the stands and he'll wish he opted out of the illusion of LA.

You know its a good night when...

Kobe is getting beat 49-37 at the half. One for 10 from the three and shooting only 33% overall, not to mention being out rebounded 22 to 14!

And, of course, the Yankees just blew their lead against the BoSox because apparently they really don't want to beat their arch rival this season. Or maybe it's just because all that money isn't worth it as evidenced by the fact that Sabathia's lead is now... well, a deficit. What good is a starter with no closer? In this economy, so offensive...