Pardon the Legal-Ease: Heated Controversy, Legal Debate, and Dissolution of Reggie and Kim

Today, I took the New York portion of the New York state bar exam. My failure to sleep and disregard for food during "testing" have surprisingly left me exhausted and hungry, albeit, a little skinnier! In my semi-delerious mental state I have made some interesting findings. First, with extended sleep deprivation, I crave large cans of beer that can be purchased at gas stations. Moreover, defying the reasonable man's expectations, I finish them before they get cold. There is definitely something to this; either they have provided reinforced thermal aluminum 24 oz. receptacles with the same pliability as un-reinforced non-thermal aluminum or I am in dire need of an alcoholic beverage. But, I digress. That was all totally irrelevant but I hope you appreciate it.

In other news, I am convinced that sleep deprivation causes a high similar to that of mind altering drugs. Drugs, like, my beer (or the alcoholic content of my beer for those failing to draw the inference). And, now, I haven't digressed but yet returned to where I began, thus coming full circle. So amid all the controversy about "[performance enhancing] drugs" I am greeted with a headline that reads, "Down goes Michael." At first I was frightened since my brother and at least 10 friends of mine are named Michael. Accordingly, I read on. "Phelps beat in 200m, first loss since '05." Of course, I was relieved at first that my brother and 10+ friends were all still "up." Nonetheless, with an excessive use of modifiers I was able to appreciate the fact that our Strapping Jock of the Month is getting negative press.

First, there was that thing about him winning 8 gold metals and he was the American Hero. Then, there was that thing about smoke surrounding him as he held a tall glass of water and he became the American God. And, finally, he was awarded Strapping Jock of the Year by Curves Change Up Ball. Although this was the pinnacle of his career to date (superceding both his athletic and supernatural divinity) I was not anticipating such a fast fall from grace. Even Brittney didn't fall so far so fast!

I decided to investing this alleged criminal bathing suit: the X-Glide. As an aside - because this is all so on point - I'd like to point out the defamation poor X has incurred through the years. Even in cartoons X has it bad. I think ever since X starting hanging out with the skulls and pirates things went downhill. Think about it, cartoons ingrain in our children that X is bad. The potential tort action of X being duly noted, I find it ironic that this swimsuit is so aptly named.

My investigation revealed that this suit will be "banned" by the international swimming world, thereby undoubtedly increasing X's potential tort recovery. Just when I thought I could make a swimmer the Strapping Jock of the Month I learn that banned substances in swimming consist of lyrca, spandex, and some other synthetic materials (surely including letter "X" to substantial their threat in the swimming world). Really?! This is your sport's performance enhancing drug? I skin tight body suit?! And, on the same day that Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian broke the news about their split?!!!?! It just confirms that swimming is potentially the most geeky sport going. Even more geeky than cycling which, with the co-mingling going on between x and y, is difficult to top.



So, Reggie... I'm available. You can contact me via my blog and I would be happy to share my personal contact information with you in confidence. I love New Orleans, particularly during Marti Gras, and at all other times. I would move there in a heartbeat and learn a different state's substantive law, including taking another bar exam. Civil Code at that! Of course, I think we should take it slow. I know it's going to be hard to get over Kim's amazing booty. But, in the meantime, I'll be doing some serious squats to plump my bum!