Who’s on Top Now? Tila, Merriman and the Johnson & Johnson Heiress

San Diego Chargers outside linebacker Shawne Merriman might have picked the wrong bisexual to batter. In case anyone has forgotten, last September Tila Tequila pressed charges against Merriman for false imprisonment and battery after he wouldn’t let her leave his house. Last Monday Tequila took a different kind of blow when her fiancée, Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson, passed away of unknown causes. Although gay marriage is no longer legal in California, Merriman better be praying that state laws don’t give Tila any rights to her deceased lover’s inheritances. Among their billions in net worth, the Johnson family also happens to own the Jets, who are playing the Chargers this Sunday… oops.

This Just in From the Desk of High Life Leitner

How on Earth did Tila Tequila and Shawne Merriman get together? Let's face it, if she’s been getting “A Shot of” something during the course of this relationship, I’m pretty sure it’s not love.

I applaud Ms. Tequila’s role in the recent scandal involving Chargers outside linebacker, Shawne Merriman. Whatever it takes to expose the 25 year old, steroid-guzzling, “Lights Out” dancing mess for what he really is has my respect.

While no one would dispute his athletic prowess, I’m more concerned by Merriman’s atrocious attitude on and off the field. Merriman seems to value lame antics and steroid-induced aggression and over demonstrations of sportsmanship and leadership. BTW Shawne, doing your stupid dance when your team is LOSING is asinine and just reinforces how immature you are.

Perhaps the NFL should look into amending the “Merriman Rule” to address choking one’s girlfriend? Oh, and Mr. Tomlinson, perhaps now is a good time to rethink your little hissy fit again the Pats? Whose teammate is “showing no class and being disrespectful” now?

Really?! Really?!???! Really!!?!

For a story that's wrong on pretty much every level, Shawn Merriman allegedly beat up Tila Tequila in a domestic dispute. The most common response, "What is he doing dating her?!?"  Frankly, her departure has been a fantasy for VH1 viewers nationwide for some time!  Most probably imagine choking her to get rid of her not to try and make her stay.

Moreover, Tila Tequila signed a citizen's arrest warrant.  Really?!  They don't even really teach you about that in law school because it never happens in real life, particularly when the arresting party is 5'2" and 98 lbs. and the arrestee is 6'4"/275!  I want to know what she did to restrain him?!  Frankly, this was probably some kinky sexual fantasy gone wrong during which Merriman was already wearing handcuffs.  It's the only plausible answer!

Tequila claims she wasn't drunk during the incident, claiming she got her nickname because she "can't drink," a.k.a. can't handle any liquor because she's "allergic," a.k.a. asian and can't hold it!  This doesn't answer the question of whether she did drink.  Just because she has the tolerance of a 10 year-old midget I'd be inclined to believe Merriman's story!