El Tigre – Illegit Cubs?

I’m probably not stating anything we all didn’t already know, but Tiger Woods just might be the dumbest man alive. I cannot bear to keep writing about his 1038571289 F-ups, so to make it slightly more bearable, let’s creep the old news outline style:

• Cheated on wife
--- Gorgeous model wife
--- Cheatees? ...Amy Winehouse might be classier
• Got caught
--- W/ at least 120 of the 25287345602 total sluts
• Lost Millions in Endorsements
--- Gillette
--- Gatorade
--- Buick
--- Accenture
• Screwed the Pooch at the Master’s **
--- Tied for 4th – we might as well round to 5th
**for once, not literally

Ok, so those are the more obvious parts, but according to recent news, apparently there might be even more to this (not so) sneaky bastard’s saga.

• Love children? (NOTE: plural)
--- 2 ½ years old
--- 9-years old
--- Mother: “escort” Devon James

Tiger if this is true you are beyond stupid. Stoo-pid. Just check out your rap sheet. Are you really telling me you are so irresponsible you wouldn’t wrap it up with these sluts? ( I mean, let’s get serious, it’s not like you’re even picking them up off the nicer corners in town. ) An F-ing pre-pubescent middle-schooler would have more common sense in that situation. That same middle-schooler could also tell you the outcome in that story: babies (…and probably a vicious case of herpes). So if 12-year-olds are getting it, why aren’t you?

While the “escort” claims both children are from Tiger, and they he was the only “African American” man she was seeing (i.e. banging) during that time frame, her own mother has labeled her a loony and said she is lying. Whatever the truth comes out to be, I still think this just further solidifies Tiger’s:

1. Slimeball status
2. Phenomenal IQ
___ a. Negative numbers are an extreme rarity