Yakety Yak

First there was the wrestler who pooped in his classmate's pop.  Now, a 21-year-old from New Jersey is pleading guilty to two charges of assault after he deliberately threw up all over a Phillies fan and his daughter at the April 14 game.  For the love of all alcohol-induced bodily functions, what has gotten into you sports fans these days?

Apparently, Matthew Clemmens was a little angry and a lot drunk after his friend was kicked out for spilling drinks, cursing and heckling during the game.   To get back at the man who had complained to security, Clemmens allegedly purposely tossed his cookies (or should I say his peanuts and $8 beers) all over Michael Vangelo and his 11-year-old daughter.  Well, guess who was an off-duty cop.  Yea.  Call da po-po, hoe.

So how do they know his vom' was on purpose?  After his friend was removed from the stadium, Clemmens, the idiot, was heard on his cell phone saying, "I need to do what I need to do. I'm going to get sick."  Evidently, that was his friend Ralph on the other line.  He then proceeded to stick two fingers down his throat Mary-Kate style while facing Vangelo and his daughter.   Sick.  Just incase he hadn't already screwed himself enough with that maneuver, he decided to make sure he went down in style by throwing punches at Vangelo and screaming profanities as the crowd subdued him.  Gosh: it's these sorts of stories that make me so proud to be a fellow member of generation Y.

 Clemmens will face one count each of simple assault, disorderly conduct and harassment.  While he is by no means getting off easy, the Porcelain Gods must have had his back considering the charges for reckless endangerment and corruption of minors were dropped in exchange for a guilty plea.  His scheduling is set for July 30.

… As a side thought:  I had never made the connection that the Olsen twins did a remake of the title of this article… how fitting.