Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

I think we all know that professional athletes are as renowned for their monogamy as rock stars. As an example of how this works, let us review Kobe's relationship (in a light more favorable to the defendant, of course). Kobe cheated, was accused of rape, and then bought off not only the chick crying foul but also his wife. Governor Spitzer isn't running around telling everyone about the unnecessarily large diamond he bought for his wife when he was sneaking around with a whore. So, what is it about professional athletes?

If Richard Jefferson's split with his fiancee is any indication, certainly money may prove to be the common denominator. It's fairly comedic when a man says he's "not trying to buy her off." If a woman needed a lump sum of money to "move on" we'd all be rich. If these were the rules of the game I, for one, would just be as sweet as pie until he was wrapped around my finger and then pretend to go crazy be told to "move on," pass go, and collect my $200. In sum, no self-respecting woman would engage in such childish notions of love and relationships. This explains a lot about groupies... but I digress.

Of further interest is that Jefferson told the media, "I'm not gay. That could be further from the truth." Perhaps he should have stuck out that last year of college because he might have learned that when something could be further from the truth, it's not that far away from the truth. On the other hand, perhaps this was a subtle way of coming out, arguably in an attempt to avoid an Amaechi type uproar? In that case, I fully respect paying the woman off. Perhaps he's paying her to keep her mouth shut.

On that note, as a self-respecting woman I can say that if my fiancee canceled our wedding days before it was to take place via email I'd be pissed enough to expect something in return. Rest assured, the ring would be returned in exchange for money paid to me rather than an ex-fiancee (consider it a tax for being a jerk). Luckily, due to the media attention, the chick probably didn't have to spend the time making the embarrassing phone calls telling her guests not to bother showing up because my fiancee is actually gay. (Flip side, people like me get to extend their personal opinions into cyberspace.) So, here's the moral: if you're a gay man, don't ask a woman to marry you. If you're a woman, don't accept a marriage proposal from a gay man. Finally, all is fair in love and war but, let's not stoop so low that we're being bought off!